The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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