He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
