the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
