Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
