she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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