Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
