Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
where are my eyebrows?
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