her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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