You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
