Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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