wake up i wanna do it froggy style
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
