Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
