If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
