having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
