Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
