I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
