just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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