I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
