I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
