I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
