but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
