I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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