I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you have feelings for this penis?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
