I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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