Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
