i can't believe i had my finger in that
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
