youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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