New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize