Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
