OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
