Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
