They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
