Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
