youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy sore nipples Batman
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize