I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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