no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want a musical about memes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
