I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
