The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Terrible idea I love it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
