I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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