There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
accomplished twins. life is a go
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
