I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
