this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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