I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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