I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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