TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
