Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
