have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So much Jack, so little girl.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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