I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
