It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
