dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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