with your own penis?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
