YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
