I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
