Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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