i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
high people should be assigned attendants
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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