If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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