i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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