I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
