I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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