You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
