the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
