The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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