would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize