maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
