if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i out mim tonsoeep
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