Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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