JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
