When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
