why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
