He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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