I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
