Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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