You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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